Day 43

Started off ok today. Joined a health club over the weekend. Went for my first workout today. They offer free childcare while you’re there, which is a huge deal for me. The kids get their own gym time too.

Generally I’m a news junkie but have slacked off a lot lately. Unfortunately, I missed a huge local story. The more I learned of it, the faster my tailspin into depression. Four teenagers were killed in a car accident early Sunday morning the next town over. Five others(all in the same car) were seriously injured. The details are still coming out and you can find that here. There are a myriad of emotions. Sadness, grief, shock, anger. It was avoidable. Too many bad choices by too many people all converged into one split second of horror. As I was putting my kids to bed tonight, I thought of 4 sets of parents who were probably vomiting and/or sedated from their loss. Their house is much different tonight than it was. I can’t even begin to imagine.

I’m not sure if that was what did me in or what, but after the kids settled in for a nap this afternoon, I settled onto the couch and fell into a deep sleep. Probably my body’s startled reaction to the morning workout! I got up at one point, headed to the mailbox to receive the miraculous financial blessing we have been praying for. Nothin. A little farther into the tailspin. This would mean I’d actually have to cook dinner again and I wouldn’t be able to grocery shop. It was getting a little late and the kids were too hungry for me to make an actual meal. The kitchen was a mess and I had nowhere to cook. Our refrigerator is an echo chamber. I complained to my husband and semi-gently vented my warning of the downward spiral of depression. Its a very frustrating place to be because it feeds on itself. If you are also depressed, you know. I am fortunate to have an awesome husband who is very compassionate about this. He cleaned up the kitchen. Was fine to wait for a real dinner while I fixed something quick for the kids. He gave me some time to myself. It was just enough of a break(aside from my naptime nap) to bring me up a bit. Then again I remembered: 4 kids dead. And none of them were mine. Get up and go hug your kids and engage with your family.

So I’m glad the day is over and time for bed. We’re all safe here tonight. I’ll try it again tomorrow and hope for the best.


3 responses to this post.

  1. I am a music junkie and made a CD of music that praises God…and I listen to it when I just don’t feel like facing the day. It is a CD of songs focusing on God, not on me. I lay on my bed, close my eyes and just listen…don’t know if it will work sometimes for you but worth a shot. I can relate to where you are at…


  2. I’m feeling better today. I can’t remember the last time I just listened to music letting it minister to me. I need to make some time for that.


  3. I feel you on this one. We’ve been married for seven years and sometimes I just get tired of the struggle with money. My hubby works very hard and I know someday it won’t be like this, but when that fridge is empty, and the kids are hungry, and you would love to go grocery shopping…it’s hard.
    Keep fighting the good fight! It’s so worth it.
    We are lucky to have our loving families.


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