Love And Money

This is a piggyback on Gretch-A-Sketch who did an awesome post on men and women and the money we make–how does that affect a dating or marriage relationship? I started to make a comment and just kept going and going so I though I’d bring it on over to my blog.

“How important is money when it comes to dating someone/choosing marriage?
Does a woman making more money than her partner or potential partner threaten a man?
When a mans income is less than that of his partner how does this affect the woman’s thoughts and views of him?” – Gretch-A-Sketch, The Daffodil Chronicles

Gretchen also asks is it wrong to look for a man who can be the breadwinner? When I was single, I did have those thoughts as well. I did want someone with a stable career — whichever that was. That wasn’t my first thought when I met a man but it came into play down the road. And it might not even be the money issue but the personality. Was this a person who could accept responsibility and maturity? Did they understand the concept of sacrificing for the sake of others. That once in a relationship, they had to look beyond their own need. I did not realize how selfish I was until I got married and couldn’t always have my own way. Could my partner handle that for himself?

When Doug and I got married I was not working initially. Finally, I got a job and in 2 years was making more than him. He is a teacher. I was in Financial Services. We decided to live below our means so I could stay home if we had children. When I did quit my job, we lost about 60% of our income. But over the years, God replaced all of that salary. Doug works very hard–sometimes 2 or 3 jobs–and I know his heart weighs heavy on provision. He definitely feels the pressure to provide and lead the family which makes it harder for him to pursue a different career which would make him happier, but would destabilize our $$ temporarily. Tough decisions.

So what do you think about these questions? How does money or career come into play with your relationships? Can we afford to be so romantic as to not worry about it?

4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by KnotKeats on August 23, 2007 at 11:00 am

    There are enough questions in there to fill a library with books. They are particularly relevant in today’s society because we are rapidly becoming post-industrial. Men’s traditional testosterone-based virtues of strength and competitiveness are less and less valuable and may even be detrimental to success in modern life.

    There are a lot of things I could comment on, but I’m curious about one thing. I have a friend who would have loved to have been a house-husband and stayed home and raised the kids. He was probably more psychologically oriented for that role than his wife, but he had about twice her earning potential, so he worked and she took care of the kids.

    In your situation, you have about 50% greater earning power than your husband. Did the two of you ever consider you being the breadwinner while he stayed at home and raised the kids?


  2. Posted by Joni on August 23, 2007 at 11:13 am

    You know, we did talk pretty seriously about Doug staying home. At the time, my job was fabulous and I really didn’t want to leave it. The closer we came to my daughter’s birth, the more I wanted to stay home. I was starting to get angry that my husband would make me work while he got to stay home all day with the baby. And I was jealous. This is what I always thought I wanted, it was a traditional role we agreed with, and my work environment completely deteriorated around me. The management changed and many people left for another company and it wasn’t fun anymore. That kind of told me it was ok to leave. After my daughter was born, we decided that Doug may not have been the right one to stay home. He’s very good at taking the kids by himself. I’ve gone out of town several times but he is always ready for me to come home! 🙂

    We have a friend who is a house husband and it works very well for them. Great question!


  3. Posted by Beth on August 23, 2007 at 3:17 pm

    I actually found out my ex-fiance had MAJOR (over $80,000) credit card debt. That was the reason I cancelled the wedding just a couple weeks before the wedding. It was a hard, heart-wrenching decision, but how was I supposed to build a life with someone who couldn’t take care of themself!


  4. Posted by Chris on August 23, 2007 at 9:16 pm

    Well, being a single guy, I’ve been through just about all of it….. I do have to say that the majority of women in todays society will “deal” with certain issues with actions and personalities in order to have that stable financial aspect in their life. Yes, I feel as if I’m still single because I dont have the bread winning career….. And my personality and all the other gifts I bring into a relationship, are overlooked or flat out ignored, because of just that… I dont have the means to provide a $300,000 home or a $50,000 vehicle…. Yeah, I’m pretty pissed off and bitter about it, but ya know what? Its their loss…. They missed out on a great thing…. Just because I dont have it NOW…. Well, ya know what, I will have it SOMEDAY, but by then, it will be too late. And no, I’m no less of a man… I’m a hard working man that appreciates everything I have, and every dollar I make……


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