The last 10%. That’s what I heard (from somewhere) is the most important part of difficult conversations that never gets said. So then you sit down with your spouse at an uncharacteristic quiet moment in the house–provided you have DVR and pause the “Everybody Loves Raymond” rerun–and talk about the last 10% that’s been on your mind for awhile. Then after all has been said and discussed in the best interest of the other party, your eyes settle on the last 10% that hasn’t been spoken to you.
So many of the things that irritate me about my spouse are the very weaknesses I see in me that drive me crazy. I begin to question who it is I’m actually disappointed with and who exactly needs to make a change.
So this is the part of marriage that sucks. The ongoing realization that although I have come a long way, I am still very much into all that is me. If he would just do ______, I would feel so much better. Well, good for me. There is totally a need for expressing your feelings to your spouse and/or asking for certain behaviors(how clinical) yet the majority of the time, I find these conversations reveal more to me about where I am lacking than about him. And that’s just if the conversations go well. I’m not EVEN talking about mis-communicating and misunderstanding body language, tone of voice, facial expression, word choice. Sheesh. That’s a whole other post for another decade.
The cool part of this though, is that I have a spouse who will listen to me when I talk. After 12 years, we’re getting the hang of communicating with each other efficiently. As far as I know.