I received a Christmas-themed email survey the other day. You know the ones where you copy and paste it onto a new email, type over the sender’s answers and forward along. I love those. Seriously I do. One question is nagging at me tonight. It was “Worst thing about this time of year”. My answer was “feeling guilty about the things I didn’t get done”.
Tonight, Maddie is having more insomnia. She and I talked in her room for about 30 minutes and along with discovering the source of her insomnia she informs me that she’d like to have a Barbie cruise ship. I believe “Party Ship” is the correct name. She says it has a pool on it, beds, and a buffet. A buffet? Really? Shoot. I’D get a Barbie party ship in that case. $70. Seriously $70. Plus also, she’d like the Alive Panda which is technically called the WowWee Alive Cubs Panda. Um, yeah $60. Aside from being monstrously out of our budget, I know darn well if we were to get one for Maddie, Annaliese and JD would want one too. Well, JD wouldn’t want the cruise ship. Just a missile system to sink it. That’s another story.
Let’s bring it back to our actual budget. If I get Maddie a Shimmer Princess Belle doll and Annaliese gets an Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) doll, they will each want the other’s doll even though I know Maddie has been obsessed with Belle for a year and Annaliese with Sleeping Beauty. I know full well that if I get JD and Annaliese a couple of Thomas and Friends engines, Maddie will want one — even if she doesn’t like to play with them as much as the younger ones. We can’t get 3 of everything and I get that they need to learn to like what they get(which, really they are always thankful).
What I’m confessing is that in these situations, I don’t want to be the mom. I want to be the fun aunt that gives and leaves. I don’t want to teach anyone about sharing or respecting another’s stuff. I’m tired of the whining. I’m tired of not being able to get everything they want even though I know it still wouldn’t satisfy them. Crap. Now I’M whining. And I know the kids will get over it and move on with their lives but I’m just that neurotic to mull this over in my mind for years about how I failed to give them the coolest toy ever. I can’t take that much guilt and pressure.
OK now that I’ve spewed that out, I will be praying for Santa to actually exist and surprise us all with cool expensive toys that will sit on my driveway some summer with a $2 price tag on it.