Trouble with relationships…

Heard this lyric last night from the song “Sober” by Pink:

“When its good then its good, it’s so good til it goes bad.
Til you’re trying to find the you that you once had.”

My stream of consciousness turned out phrases like “I lost myself in this relationship. That makes me afraid. I need to get back to who I used to be.” Then I wondered why? What’s so great about going backwards?

Perhaps we aren’t losing ourselves as much as changing or growing in who we are. Relationships make us different people. We are exposed to new ideas, new ways of thinking, new interests and experiences. A wise friend told me years ago that when she got married, she didn’t wonder, “Do I want to be with this same man for the rest of my life?” Her hope was that she could say, “This is the man I am committed to growing and changing with for the rest of my life. Neither of us will be the same in 5 years.”

That would imply that relationships are fluid or perhaps in motion. Constantly moving. Constantly making course corrections. I think we like the idea of getting into a comfortable seat with a view that pleases us, hoping it never changes. Rather, hoping the feelings you get from it never changes. Its not possible. I look back over the last 20 years or so and realize, thankfully, that I am not the same person I was. My husband is not the same. Neither are my friends and family members. Do you know the saying, “If I knew then what I know now…” But we didn’t. We can’t go back. We must go forward. Adjust. Refine. I have not lost myself in my relationships. I am just a different person. Hopefully for the better! If not, then move forward, not back to the you that you once had.


One response to this post.

  1. Great post!


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