Archive for the ‘health’ Category

Boiling Mad

Watched Food Inc. again. I get angrier and angrier every time. You want a real healthcare bill? Rebuild, not change, rebuild the food system in this country = fewer sick, fewer obese, fewer diabetic, fewer medicaid claims, fewer employee absences, lower employer costs, businesses can afford to expand and employ, fewer food industry subsidies–use the $$ to assist individuals and small business with legal fees when sued by Monsanto(how much freaking money do they need?) — criminals receive a free attorney, why not Joe Farmer? No more competing with other countries’ crop prices so Mexico can farm again without U.S. companies advertising in their papers to bring illegal workers to slaughterhouses reducing immigration issues. I could go on. And it’s all McDonald’s fault. (if you’ve seen “Food Inc” you’ll understand)

I’m changing my mind on many things. Sue the hell out of fast food. Not because parents don’t have responsibility but because we have been groomed for 60 years to think its cheaper to eat crap. It worked for tobacco. We all have a personal responsibility for certain. It’d just be much easier if I didn’t have to battle corporate america’s foot on my neck every time I go through a check out line.

New Brother In Law News

Hey gang. Two years ago, my brother-in-law  Joe, had triple bypass surgery on his heart after years of wrecking his body with smoking and eating. The surgery was successful and his recovery remarkable. He quit smoking, radically changed his diet and continued some natural remedies(supplements, etc). He is diabetic and has had a setback here and there since.

Have I told you about my family’s communication system? It goes something like this: “Did I tell you that…” or “I thought Dad was going to call you.” I found out my sister had a baby about two weeks after he was born.  So here is the latest in “Did anyone tell you…” from my family.

Joe needs a kidney transplant. I guess they have been researching this process since January. He has a large family and a couple of siblings are “perfect” matches. Even my sister is a match. He has some weight to lose first as he gained back a bit these last two years. Dialysis isn’t being considered at this point although a fistula was created in March in case he becomes critically ill quickly and forced to use dialysis. Could definitely use some prayers for expediency and success. Thanks.

Pay attention to your girls

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I’m so mad I could…2

This is the conclusion of my gigantic post started yesterday regarding my depression and what happened once I was diagnosed and treated by a professional…

Within a week, I began to feel more self controlled. Not euphoric, not pollyanna. Just less rage. Therapy helped give me tools to use for those trigger moments that can send you off your rocker. Medication gave me the ability to remember I actually had tools to use. Since then, there have been ups and downs, stressors great and small, and constant monitoring of this condition.

I have been running into a wall the last couple months. A medication shift didn’t work so well and threw me into a bit of a tailspin. I am yelling at my children again. Not because I want to hurt them. But because I want control in my current chaotic family season. Sound familiar? My doctors and friends are encouraging me to invest in myself — more sleep, more exercise, back to therapy — during this extraordinary time when our family schedule is overwhelming. The other night, I was reminded of the principle that I cannot lead anyone else well, in this case, my children and home, if I am not well myself. What’s the saying, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” 

The scripture verse from 1 Sam 30:6 says, “David strengthened himself in the Lord his God.” I have been railing against my children in an effort to gain control and train them in the way they should go. What I heard from this verse and in its context was that my reactions to my kids’ behavior was about me, not them. No amount of teaching them will affect how I respond. And so I will spend my time in the coming months caring for myself and strengthening myself in the Lord, my God. I will start physically by going to the health club and letting the kids enjoy their own gym and play time. That will give me natural time alone and quiet–especially in the steam room, sauna or whirlpool. (Did I mention my arthritis?)

If any of this is familiar or touches a nerve for  you–do not ignore it. GET HELP. If you are a Christ follower, GET HELP. Yes, we can all do a better job of being quiet and reading our bibles and praying, ya, ya, ya. GET HELP ANYWAY especially if you have thoughts of hurting yourself or others. Tell a trusted friend, family member or pastor. Leave me a comment and I’ll reply. Read a book. A good one on mom anger is Julie Ann Barnhill’s She’s Gonna Blow . Bonnie Keen’s Blessed Are The Desperate For They Will Find Hope is especially good if you work or volunteer in ministry and are depressed and/or find yourself in overwhelming or unexpected circumstances. Go here to see some recommendations for other books.

One of my favorite quotes from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. sums it up – “If you can’t fly, run. If you can’t run, walk. If you can’t walk, crawl. But by all means, keep moving.”

I’m so mad I could…

If you’ve followed this blog for awhile, you know that I am depressed. I see an internist and a psychiatrist regularly while we are dialing in some medication and monitoring Type 2 Diabetes. I am one of many women/moms in the same or similar boat. Comforting or disturbing? You pick.

About 5 years ago, I had a 2 1/2 yr old, a 1 yr old, a baby on the way and gestational diabetes. I was absolutely exhausted. My 2 yr old was a behavioral nightmare. I often found myself at the end of my rope and would scream at her at the top of my lungs, pounding my fists into pillows, mattresses, countertops and tables. I did a lot of teeth clenching. I never had thoughts of deliberately harming my children. One day I lifted my daughter up onto the changing table, angry as usual and as I laid her down, I actually had a vision of me body slamming her onto the hard surface. And it scared the hell out of me. I didn’t want to hurt her. I wanted control. Its an insane person who thinks they can gain control by losing self control. I was afraid I would show up on an Oprah show describing how a split second action changed my life forever. At the same time, I was afraid if someone found out how volatile I was, they would take away my children. I called my pastor, told him what I was feeling and could the church recommend a therapist. 

At my first therapy visit, I was diagnosed with Depression. Ugh. With my family history, I knew it was an accurate assessment but hated the fact that medication was recommended. For years I figured if I could just maintain a consistent quiet time and read the bible regularly, I could get a handle on my emotional roller coaster. No meds. I didn’t want to walk around like a zombie. I didn’t want to become someone else through drugs or endanger my pregnancy. I did agree to try working with natural remedies which helped quite a bit. After a while though, my rage broke through the therapy and natural remedies. My OB/GYN started me on an antidepressant that was safe in pregnancy. It was nothing short of a miracle.

To be continued…

Bedtime wind down

Arthritis and other pain pretty bad tonight. Too late to take an Advil PM. I’ll be a zombie for 14 hours. Now see, if I had a good prescription pain reliever, I’d only be out 4 hrs at a time and I’d be functional in the morning. Time to get the chiropractor and pain specialist back in my life I think. Lower back excruciating. Stretching and mild exercise didn’t work yesterday. Maybe tomorrow.

FUEL leadership gathering at church tonight was great. I love getting together with grown ups. Especially these grown ups. What an amazing team I get to serve with. They have been absolutely critical in our family making it through these last couple weeks–well, ok, the last 3 years really.

I’m sad Doug couldn’t go though. He gets so inspired from it. Loves to hear all the good stuff going on. He went back to work Monday and then to his night class until 10:30 pm. Long day. He just needed to rest tonight. Still having to pack the open part of his surgical wound which isn’t healing quickly(drat). He’s growing tired of that part of recovery.

My kids are stunning me with their curiosity of God, Jesus, and all the “how does” “why” and “when” questions having to do with both. Here are a few:

When will Jesus raise us from the dead?   Do “died” people try to open their eyes? How many miles is heaven? 300? (yes, from JD) Will Goofy (the cat we put down in September) have another birthday? “I don’t want you not to love us when we do something wrong.” (not kidding–that one just before bed) I had a great opportunity to tell my kids that there is nothing they could do that would make me stop loving them. I didn’t love them because of the things they do. I love them because they are my children. JD seemed quite happy about that. The other questions? I told them the truth: I don’t know. I’d be happy to talk about it in the morning. I’ve got 7 hours to figure it all out. Um, yeah.

Health and Welfare

I’m adding this as a ragamuffinTop challenge post. Weight 8/16: 198.6;  8/30: 198.8

I apologize if you got here through the wrong tag or search. Its not about politics. Its all about ME!!!

From my previous post on “Fat, Depression and Hormones“, you may have deduced I would have jumped off a bridge by now. Not so. I got my blood work back, met with a personal trainer and talked with a psychiatrist.

My bad cholesterol is down 18 pts to 102. I believe 100 is normalish? Yay fish oil supplements. My A1c test which measures blood glucose over about 3 months was 5.8% which is normal and considered controlled. My fasting glucose was 10 pts above normal so if that continues, they may medicate me. All other systems were fine–no thyroid, heart, kidney, liver issues. I need to get my annual glaucoma exam next month.

Met with a personal trainer who is a former body builder, been training for almost 50 years and is well acquainted with rehab and arthritis. He is also a very personable guy. We talked a lot about my history and he is showing me the best exercises and machines to use to get the best workout with the least risk. Turns out I already know a lot about what to do. Now it becomes a matter of doing it. I have 2 more sessions to go. Wish we could afford more. I may have to put that in the budget somehow. Let’s see…who what can we sell?

Saw my first psychiatrist today. We reviewed my medical history. He asked me some key questions. Discovered I most likely have double depression(great) which is a low level of depression (hereditary or naturally occurring) with major life events piled on top–especially postpartum. Having 3 babies in less than 3 years counts, stress, grief. Plus my current medication produces anti-motivation and weight gain side effects. God only knows how I get out of bed in the morning. He is switching my meds. Unfortunately, coming off the med I currently take in such a high dose causes severe withdrawal so friends who have ever offered to help with crazy mommy time, I’ll be calling you soon. He is doing it VERY gradually and dovetailing the new med VERY gradually. We’ll see how this goes. My poor family.

Anyway, some progress being made. If you’re so inclined I’d appreciate your prayers for a smooth med transition.